Two
by StormyMist
Summary: Just a day at the Uchiha household...Itachi and Sasuke stalking Naruto. ItaxNaruxSasu. This was intended to be a oneshot, but it is going to be a two chapter fic. Twoshot?


Me: There are some ItachixNarutoxSasuke fans out there, including me! SO…I decided to make one! I hope you Ita-Naru-Sasu fans out there like this one.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.

**Pairing: ItachixNarutoxSasuke** (yes, they are a threesome pairing. Itachi likes Naruto and so does Sasuke. Naruto likes both of them and Itachi likes his little brother though Sasuke thinks he's a bit annoying, but still likes him. If you don't like then leave).

Warnings: Incest, slight shota (I guess), perverse thoughts and language, boyxboy love, randomness and boringness.

Genre: Humor, romance, humor.

Summary: Just random day at the Uchiha house while Itachi and Sasuke stalk their little kitsune –Naruto.

**DEDICATION:** This is dedicated to Sadness.Sorrow because, for one, she gave me the idea of an Ita-Naru-Sasu fic! Second, she is, probably, my loyalist fan out there! . Give her most of the credit on this one! 0

Me: If you think this starts out a little weird it'll get better when you read further…I think. But, anyway, read and enjoy. And…possibly review?

_Two_

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"God, look at him; nibbling on that banana like a-…," the person started to say before he was interrupted.

"Shut up! He'll hear us!" The other whispered harshly.

"You're the one who's yelling! And _I'm_ the older brother, not you."

"With the way you're acting it doesn't seem like it! Ugh, to think…you were one I praised when I was younger."

"Hmph, well, you didn't _have_ to praise me," sighing he continued, "You were so naive when you were younger, Sasuke…and you still are!"

"Fuck you!"

"Wish all you want, little brother, but I'm always on top," he said with a smirk.

But before Sasuke could retort, or say anything back to Itachi, the sounds of a pair of feet padding on the wooden floor stopped him. He looked over to the source of the noise and saw that Naruto had gotten up from the couch and walked into the kitchen.

He got up and noiselessly tiptoed to the kitchen door and hid behind it (or next to it), Itachi right behind him, and peeked over the edge.

There stood Naruto, in the middle of the kitchen dancing around with a frilly pink apron on while he tried to cook (something besides ramen), with his almighty glorious, and sexy, body of his. God, it was beautiful; everything he did was beautiful. Itachi and Sasuke eyes followed the movement of his body and his lips with their eyes hungrily; though his voice was really off tune they didn't mind one bit, as long as they could see their beloved, little Naru-chan.

"What do you think he's cooking?" Sasuke asked his older brother.

"Well, besides ramen there's o-shiruko (sweet red bean soup), but it doesn't smell like it," Itachi replied.

"Thanks, you were a big help." He said sarcastically.

"At least I was able to think of something!"

Sasuke was quiet for a moment then he turned to look at his brother, but instead of a scowl he had his uber-cute puppy dog eyes' mask on with fake tears. "You're so mean, Aniki," he said, dramatically wiping a tear away.

Itachi looked away and gulped. He was using that damned jutsu Naruto made; kawaii no jutsu. "Urg, fine, fine. But don't think you'll be getting a goodnight kiss from me."

The younger Uchiha turned back to his normal self and blanched. "I wouldn't want a goodnight kiss from you even if Naru-chan begged me."

Nothing came out from Itachi's mouth, but he smirked as an idea popped into his mind. A moment later he decided to say something, so that he wouldn't stir up some kind of suspicious thought from his brother. "Sure," he said, turning to see how his blond lover was doing and frowned. "'Wonder what he's mumbling to himself about."

_In the kitchen with Naruto…_

"Damn, Uchihas and their perverted minds. What's wrong with the way I eat my banana anyway?" The blond-haired teen grumbled to himself, making sure that he hid his voice well.

Naruto continued pretending to sing horribly and dance, knowing that the Uchiha boys were stalking him…again, while making a snack. It was something new he saw on the food network channel; it was a spicy steak with, probably, mashed potatoes as a side-dish or something. There was also this other recipe for this kind of biscuit you can fill things in it, like crawfish soup or whatever it was. (In this story Naruto can cook, and yes, this is considered a snack).

The blond-haired teen walked over to one of the cabinets and opened it, searching for the right seasonings. He pulled out some grill seasoning, cumin, chili powder and some chipotle chili powder. 'These will do nicely,' he thought, putting some in a bowl and mixing them with his fingers. After a minute he pulled the digits out and examined them; it was covered with the stuff he was mixing. He frowned and attempted to wipe concoction into the bowl, but to no avail the seasonings stayed stuck on his fingers.

"Well, I always wondered what they would taste like and it'd be a waste to just wash it off," the blond said to himself. He stared at his fingers for a while and nothing happened, then, he hesitantly flicked out his tongue, lapping a patch off his finger.

_With Itachi and Sasuke…_

Sasuke swallowed a lump in his throat as his mind turned an innocent act into a dirty one while Itachi grinned evilly, being the one able to control his desires.

Wow…a lot of things can come from someone just licking their finger; an erection, nervous sweat, and perverse thoughts…see?

"You…-," Itachi began until he was interrupted.

"Don't. Say. A. Word." Sasuke threatened, covering his eyes with one of his hands.

The older Uchiha laughed quietly and turned his attention, once again, to Naruto. It didn't seem as if the blond liked the taste of the seasonings that much and decided to wash his hands.

Itachi and Sasuke watched until Naruto was finally done and put all of the food on separate plates and brought them to the dining room. He set the plates and the silverware on the table, pulled out a chair, sat on it and said a quick "Itadakimasu" before digging in.

The two Uchihas' eyes widened at how fast and how much Naruto could eat in one sitting. And even though they had the money to support how much food they needed, it was still a miracle.

Before they could even blink three times, Naruto was already done and back into the kitchen; placing the dirty plates and bowls in the sink. Whistling, Naruto walked upstairs and disappeared into a bedroom, closing the slide door quietly.

"What do you think he's going to do in there?" Itachi asked his little brother.

"How am I supposed to know?"

_With Naruto…_

'This is probably the only place where I'll be safe from those two,' Naruto thought, taking the remote and turning the television on. The blond boy yawned and flipped through the channels subconsciously. Stopping at AZN he noticed that Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) was on, but it was an old episode. 'I hate re-runs.'

Naruto turned his head towards his door, catching sounds of whispering on the other side.

"-…show that has this evil doctor dude name Muraki chasing after this hot purple-eyed guy named Tsuzuki, but sometimes he'd go after Tsuzuki's partner, Hisoka; really cute."

"That's kind of weird. Why would he go after them?"

"Well, Muraki killed Hisoka and Hisoka is trying to get the doctor guy back in revenge. It's also because he's one of the Guardians that go and kill these evil creatures and other things, but I haven't seen much of it to understand it all. But I-…Oh hey, Naru-chan!" Itachi chuckled, nervously, and held his little brother in front of him as a shield.

The blond-haired teen stood in front of the two Uchiha boys, with his foot tapping on the floor impatiently. Itachi and Sasuke were flat on the floor so Naruto seemed taller and scarier. "What do you guys think you've been doing? It's getting kind of annoying hearing you guys whisper and stalk me," he said angrily, cracking his knuckles.

"W-what are you talking about?" Itachi replied lamely.

Naruto raised an eyebrow then crossed his arms. "Earlier one of you guys mentioned something about the way I "eat" my banana?"

Sasuke and Itachi froze; had Naruto heard them?

"I-I s-still don't know w-what you're talking about."

Their blond lover sighed and thought, 'There's only one other way.' He grinned evilly and then shook it off before looking at the two with a pout on his lips and teary eyes. "You…you're so mean, Itachi," he said with a sniffle. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand while his shoulder shook then another sniffle, "You too, Sasuke."

Sniffle.

Both, Itachi and Sasuke banged their heads against the white wall of their house. Damn.

A laugh interrupted their attempt on self-mutilation and looked over to see Naruto laughing his head off. "Ha-ha! I'm kidding you guys, and even though you guys were stalking me I'll forgive you…on one condition."

_A Few Seconds Later…_

"Aaaaah! Get off of me, Itachi!" Sasuke yelled. "I said, get off of me!"

"But I have to kiss you or Naru-chan won't forgive me!" said Itachi.

"Us!" the younger Uchiha corrected. "Would you get off of me first?"

"That's going to be a problem, Sasuke-chan!"

"What the fuck? Don't call me that!"

Itachi shrugged and turned his head. "Naruto?"

"Yup!" Naruto chirped, crawling over to the two. He planted a kiss on Itachi's cheek and then one on Sasuke's. "Come on, Sasuke, don't be a wuss."

Sasuke glared at Naruto, but said nothing.

"Please?" Naruto said.

Silence…

"Fine," the black-haired boy replied.

Naruto smiled and kissed him, once again, but this time it was fully on the lips, before telling Itachi to kiss him.

_Chu._

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Me: XD "Chu" is the sound of a kiss, I'm thinking. Anyways, I know this might've went through fast though Ihope you guys enjoyed it! R&R!


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